1. Why didn't someone tell me it was going to be THIS hard?
Okay, so I understood it wasn't going to be the easiest thing I'd ever do in life but why the hell didn't someone tell me it was going to be so difficult? Maybe they tried and I wouldn't listen. Nah. I would remember if someone had told me I'd have to sometimes make 3 different meals for dinner so my whole family would eat. I would remember if someone told me I'd spend hours scraping 3 different kinds of gum off the sofa cushions. I would remember if someone had told me I'd have to stick my freaking hands into the toilet to fish out two rolls of toilet paper, countless band-aids, and 3 toothbrushes. Yeah, I'd remember those sorta things.
2. Why do young boys hump everything?
I'm sure not all boys do this, but all of mine have. I never thought I'd have to tell my son to stop humping the sofa, the sliding board, the shopping cart, and the neighbor's cat all in the same day. What are they trying to do when they do this anyway? It's a shame when you're afraid to invite company over because you don't want them to be molested by your hump happy child. It's one thing when the dog does it, we know why he does it, but when your child wants to rub his birdy (yes, I called it a birdy) all over God's creation it gets a little awkward.
3. Why haven't I reached my breaking point and snapped like a mouse's neck in a cat's mouth?
How am I still surviving this? Where do I find all the strength to continue day after day after day? After being talked back to, mentally tortured, puked on, crapped on, and nearly every other disgusting thing imaginable under the sun, how is it that I still function? I wonder sometimes if they've brainwashed me into believing some of their antics are normal. These things aren't normal, are they? Is the capacity to love a human being that you brought into this world so great that you can tolerate nearly anything?
I like to think that as crazy as they make me and as close as they bring me to my breaking point, they also fill my heart with the kind of love that's unbreakable and unconditional. Even on my worst day I wouldn't want to be without these little pains in the ass.
Maybe I do understand parenting a little more than I realized.